she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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