Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
