There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
