I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
