That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
