Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
