Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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