sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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