We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
