I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
