Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
