Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
