wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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