My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
