oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
