No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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