You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My penis needs a shock collar
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize