He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
