Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
