Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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