You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
