And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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