I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
