my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
