I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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