So drunk its hurt
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize