At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
