So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
