I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
