So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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