i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
