Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
