I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
