these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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