I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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