My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
