dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
