Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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