Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
