Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
