i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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