If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
