she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
