You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
birth control should be required to get into college
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
