Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
