Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
