Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
