I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
