somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
