My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I need to calm my uterus...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
