Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i came on her dog
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
