Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think i have herpe
just one?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize