drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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