I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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