Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
