this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
