About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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