I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
