Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
