Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
