she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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