all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
