Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
