I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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