i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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