Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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