I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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