I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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