wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
