hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
