I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My vagina just clenched in fear
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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