At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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