Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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