I feel great
I just peed on a car
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
