I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
